I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
