She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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