I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
