who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
God, I missed his penis.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
