HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish I could teleport
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
