i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
