uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
