When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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