Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
