***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Randomize
