Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
