break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
