You just made me feel so damn special
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
