ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
