Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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