i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
People in love make me want to vomit
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
