the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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