You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
