So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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