I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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