The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
