in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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