why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
