saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Two words: blizzard sex
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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