Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
