You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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