eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
