Where is the hickey?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize