apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
