btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
