Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
