I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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