ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
