Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize