where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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