if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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