I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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