$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am naked and annoyed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
