I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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