and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
A+ Viking dick
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
