Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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