i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
ttyl tear gas
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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