i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
