I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
being pregnant is like rehab
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize