I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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