Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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