dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize