I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize