Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
