dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
