I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
