Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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