Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
