Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
