Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
foreskin is a definite game changer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
