I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
