I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
should my penis look like a turkey
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
