So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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