We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Pooping to opera.
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