Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish you could order shots online.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
