Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
