We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
