it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
