you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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