the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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