Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
