I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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