apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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