some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
