Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
