yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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